Our Son Jonathan (This story is not for the faint-hearted....)

It's hard to believe, but tomorrow will be five years from the birth of our son, Jonathan. He was only 24.5 weeks along. He wasn't due until March. Five years ago tonight I was in the hospital suddenly on bed rest. The doctors hoped to keep him inside me for as long as possible. One day was all that was possible. I hated my one day of bed rest. It was horrible with all the medicines they were giving me, the fear that was involved, and doctors and nurses prodding me every few minutes. How was I supposed to rest?!

Well, on the evening of the 23rd, the doctors realized they had to do an emergency c-section. My poor sister, who was 38 weeks pregnant at the time, was at the hospital with me. I would not let her leave my side. She was so good about that. My husband had gone home to try to get a little sleep. My sister called my parents and my husband and they all hurried down to the hospital. Thankfully, my sister and the nurse were able to hold the doctors off until my husband got there. I was so scared. The doctor had told me that babies born that premature have a 50% chance of living (which means they also have a 50% chance of dying). I was not ready to have a baby!!! I had to sign an form to allow the c-section. I didn't want to sign it, but they convinced me that if our son was born naturally, he could die in the birth canal. This was not a fun place to be in. My husband finally arrived and they rushed me into the delivery room. I am forever glad that he was able to experience that moment with me. It wasn't like any birthing experience I had anticipated. The room was quiet. The doctors didn't announce if it was a boy or a girl. The doctors didn't even tell us if he was alive. I finally asked my husband if he was alive. He saw his little leg kick out and he knew he was alive. The doctors and nurses quickly took him off to the NICU, where he spent the next eight weeks of his life.

After I got out of recovery, they wheeled me in to see our tiny baby. He was only 1 pound, 7 ounces, and 12 inches long. Tiny, but perfect. He had all his body parts...tiny fingers, and toes, eyelashes, fingernails, and hair. Everything was all there, but it was all so miniature, very miniature. Amazingly, he already resembled his daddy. (As I write this, I am beginning to cry just thinking of it.) His build was so much like his daddy - tall and lanky (if it's possible to be "tall" at 12 inches long!), with feet and hands that looked like him. Amazing how God makes babies so perfect. Having Jonathan so early was like a look inside the womb, to see what a baby looks like at 24 weeks. The thing that is still hard for me to believe, is that someone is allowed to have an abortion at 23 weeks, and 6 days. Jonathan was four days past that point and he was very much alive with a desire to live and a stubborn steak (as the nurses said!).

Jonathan lived 56 days on this earth, during which it was a difficult little life for him. He had three surgeries (one which was a "fix-it" surgery to fix the first one done incorrectly), medicines out the window, lots of I.V.s, organs shutting down, and finally a staph infection that bloated him and shut down his whole system.

Those were also the hardest days of our lives. We were there with our son. Our family was there with our son and with us. We were there when he passed from this earth into the arms of our Heavenly Father. My parents and my in-laws were also there. I am so glad that we were all able to be there. A parent never plans to bury their child, especially their baby.

It has been a hard journey. Some have asked "WHY did God even allow him to be born?" "Why did God allow him to live for 56 days?" "Why did God take him?" It hasn't been easy. Not one person in our family would say it has been. We've been mad at God, and we let Him know it. We've grieved, we've cried, we've questioned God. YET, through it all God has held us and sustained us and has carried us on His arms. He is big enough to handle it all. We have come to a place to trust in the Sovereignty of God. He has a bigger plan and a purpose, for our lives, and for Jonathan's life - than we can ever see on this earth. We know that Jonathan's life was not without purpose. His life is meaningful and has purpose. We know that God has used him to have the body of Christ praying. There were people - literally - all over the world praying for him and us. Amazing. God has used his life to touch others and to help them to go through hard times. I hope, too, that God will use his life to help some women to make the right decision in regards to the child that she is carrying, whether she keeps the child or gives the child up for adoption.

Jonathan was special to us. He always will be. No matter that we are different and our lives will never be the same, we are thankful for the 56 days that God allowed us to have with our little miracle baby. Jonathan will forever be in our hearts.

How Does Time Pass So Quickly?

Last week MerriDad and I celebrated our 10th anniversary! Where did the time go? How did a decade pass us by? It doesn't seem like that long ago that I walked down the aisle to my groom. When you marry someone you only know them to a certain amount. When you get married, you get to know that person more fully through the ends and outs of life. I am so blessed that my husband was not only the man that I married...but so much more. He is a good, strong, godly man and I am honored to be beside him in life.

We were able to go away for a couple of days on our anniversary. It was nice just to be together. Sometimes life gets so busy that it was just good to spend time together, to laugh, to remember, to have a good time together. He is a special man and I love him so much!

First Day of Kindergarten

My little baby is growing up! A couple of days ago he started kindergarten. Merri Son was so excited for several weeks leading up the the BIG DAY! He started his own countdown about a week before school started. Every day he would inform us how many days left before he would go to kindergarten. On Tuesday morning, when school started, he woke up super early - about 5:50 a.m. and he came running in the living room running and twirling around saying, "Whooo...hooooo.....today I start kindergarten!!"" I am so glad he likes school so much and I hope this excitement continues for all the years to come. I am looking forward to all he will learn this year.

Last year he had the privilege of being in the the kindergarten room all year (with the teacher he has again this year). He did Pre-K work since he wasn't old enough to do Kindergarten yet, but he picked up on so much. He learned his letters, and numbers. The most amazing thing was that he learned to read. This summer we challenged him to read 100 books. It was a HUGE challenge. Merri Dad looked at me as though I was crazy for putting such a big goal in front of Merri Son. We promised him some kind of reward every five books he read (ice cream, sleep out, paint time, noggin game time, etc.) After he read 100 books, we promised him a trip to Sea World. Amazingly, HE DID IT! In just over a two month time period, MerriSon read 100 books! I am so proud of him. We took him to Sea World, just like we promised. Now he is already planning to read another 100 books to go to Lego Land, and then another 100 books to go to Knott's Berry Farm - all on his own! So, this year will be fun to see what he learns this year. His teacher is going to have fun keeping him challenged!!

Baby Shower for Our Niece

Today we're having a baby shower for our youngest niece, Cassidy. She was born a little over a month ago to Merri Mom's sister and her husband. She is a precious baby and so cute. She is dainty and adorable. We just want to squeeze her and love her. We know that God has given her to our family as a gift. So, today, we're having a shower for her. We're doing after she was born because her parents waited until she was born to find out if it was a girl or a boy! So, now that SHE is here, we can have a party in her honor.

Our First Date

Eleven years ago today, Merri Dad and I went out on our first date. (Of course, I wasn't a "Merri Mom" then!) Before that point, we had known each other for almost four years through the Bible College we both attended. Our friendship started on very basic levels. We first met each other in a big group meeting and we all stood around talking. It was strange because we both had the SAME plaid pullover sweater! Over the next couple of years, we became friends and would talk in class, sometimes we would study together, and then he was my T.A. in a couple of the classes I was taking. (And yes! I earned all my A's. He didn't just give them to me!!!) I remember studying in the library with him and we had some really good conversations. For whatever strange reason, I remember thinking, "This guy sounds too much like what I would like in my future husband....I better stay away from him!" He asked me out a couple of times, but I turned him down for various reasons. We both dated other people. After he graduated from college, he moved to Colorado for a year. When he came back the following year, during my senior year, I was very happy to see him. I was soon to be graduating and I knew that all my friends were moving away. Merri Dad and I decided we should get together sometime. At that point we never did get together. A couple of months after I graduated from college, I remember taking a prayer walk. I did "guy inventory" and was thinking about all the guys I knew and their qualities. When I thought of Merri Dad, I realized he was a GREAT guy with great qualities. I prayed at that point, "God, if you want anything to ever happen between us, please have him call me." I did not want to pursue him. I wanted him to pursue me. It was about the same time (we later compared notes) that he surrended to God his dream to get married. It was about at the same time, that he felt the Lord put my name and face on his heart and he felt that he should call me! (Amazing how God works!!) Because I had already turned him down twice, he waited a couple of weeks to call me. When he did call me, he asked me to go with him to a coffee house because some friends of his were going to be there and one of them was playing some songs. So...eleven years ago today (on July 24th) we went on our first date. We didn't really consider it a "date" at the time, but more a hang-out. (Looking back, we realize that was the beginning of something special.) We had a great time and talked and talked and talked. We talked so much (of course, I say HE was the one talking and he says I was the one talking!!) that we missed our exit and were almost headed to the border!! But, we finally made it to the coffee house, met up with his friends, and had a great time together.

Happy Daddy

Last night I had one of those special moments in life that make you feel ten feet tall. My wife, son and I were sitting on the coach after we had just finished our bible reading and milk time before bed when my son looked at me and said "daddy, I love you more than anyone in the whole world". I must say that inside I felt a marvelous sense of pride and joy yet even as he said this there was a twinge of uneasiness inside for I knew that it isn't quite right that I have absolute control of my sons affections. Inside I knew that Jesus is the only one who commands such affections and while I love the love of my son I also worry (as any parent does) for my sons soul, and want him to learn and grasp who is truly worthy of our deepest affections. To my utter shock, and joy not 30 seconds after he stated his love for me my son said "do you know who else I love more than anyone?" , I thought he was going to say mommy, but out came "Jesus." I must say that as a christian father I can think of nothing that makes me more happy. I know that life has many trials and temptations ahead for my son but I pray constantly for him that the Spirit of God will grab hold of him and so work in his life that on his lips will always be the cry "Abba", that he will cherish Christ more than anyone on earth, even more than mommy and daddy, and that no matter what the future holds, weather in ease or hardship he will understand that his life has a purpose and that is to honor God, to cherish Him and to enjoy Him. Boy I am one Happy Daddy.

Our First Question of the Day

This morning when Merri Son got up, with sleep still in his eyes, not even fully awake, he asks, "What are we doing today?" Our little social son. He likes to have his day planned - already! He likes to be doing something and wants to do something everyday. It makes us laugh how much he wants to go somewhere and do something as soon as he gets up. And if we DON'T have a day planned...he is full of ideas of who we can visit and what we can do! Today he was pleased to know that part of the plan for the day was to go to an Angel's game tonight.